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BLACK Love: Love Doesn’t Hurt!

Plain & Simple. The sad thing is, many women and men (yes men too) are in abusive relationships and not even aware. Folks, there are many types of abuse. Some of the most common ones between partners are Mental, Physical, and Verbal abuse. Believe it or not, verbal and mental abuse is just as crippling and hurtful as the damage caused by physical abuse.

Physical abuse we all know is the act of a person putting his/her hands on you. Some people, (from what I’ve witnessed are mostly women), say, ” It isn’t that bad because it was just a shove or push. These women actually believe that’s all it’ll ever be. If there is a pattern of him/her using force as a resolution, there is an issue. The shove will grow into a push. The push will grow into a punch, and so on and so on. If your partner is using force (no matter how small it may seem to you), it is only fair to conclude that this person is physically abusive. You don’t want to be that person in a situation where you end up with a bruise, broken bone, or worse.

Verbal Abuse is when someone uses demeaning and vulgar language towards you. I know to some this may not seem as much, but this type of abuse can leave an individual feeling hurt, depressed, self-disgust, and a low self esteem. Psychologically, when you hear something so much and long enough, you begin to believe it. Since when was it ok for women to be called a B*tch by the person who so-calls love them??? This form of abuse is by an aggressor. Someone who can place his/her daily frustrations on you for no apparent reason, or just for the hell of it becomes angry towards you. You make the littlest mistake, or none at all and BAM!!!!… You have all kinds of hurtful and nasty words flying towards you. The other factor of this type of abuser is he/she is most likely to become physically abusive as well.

Mental abuse however, I believe, is the most passive out of the three, BUT equally destructive! This individual is clever. He/She has a low self esteem and hides it well. They tell you daily how much they love you and adore you, they can adorn you with gifts, and affection. However, they subtly contradict their actions by taking stabs at who you are, what you lack, your imperfections, and even use your flaws against you. They’d shower you with compliments and point out your flaws (most likely that which are non-existent). They secretly envy you, who you are your confidence, and the way you carry yourself. Afraid they’d lose you, and in order to insure that you’d stay with them forever, they lead you to believe there is no other person that can love you the way they do. Yes, a toxic situation just like the other two mentioned.

Now that we’ve done our homework on the matter, I know some might find themselves thinking, “She’s talking about my situation”. So what do we do now right? The right thing to do is just leave. The pain of staying surpasses by far the pain of leaving. I understand that you love this person, and even hope for the situation to get better. The reality is this person needs help. Anyone who utilizes any sort of breaking down another person for a sense of power, self-worth, or even satisfaction needs an outlet which provides awareness of their abusive behavior, the effects it has on others, and how they can rid of it. Trust me as long as you stay in the situation you’re not helping the person realize that they have a problem. It’s like having an addict around his addiction daily in hopes they’d overcome said addiction. It doesn’t work that way. There must be an awareness, a withdrawal, and a resolution to avoid their abusive behavior. The best thing for you to do is leave the situation. At a distance (preferably over the phone) tell them why you’ve left the situation, and discuss options of how the person can rid themselves of their abusive nature.

Lastly, this individual must be willing to change as well. The ultimate decision is theirs. Whatever they so choose, get out of the situation as soon as you can. It’s unfortunate, but people have suffered dire consequences in compromising and keeping themselves in an abusive relationship, Such as: Losing their self worth, Lack of enthusiasm and positive outlook of themselves and their surroundings, Bruises and broken bones, or worse…death. This is a risk not worth taking.

ABUSE HOTLINES

Safe Horizon: www.safehorizon.org
Polaris Project: www.polarisproject.org
NYAWC: www.nyawc.org

Written By: JADE

Disclaimer: All views expressed in this post is that of the author and not BLACK STREET entirely.

 
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Posted by on February 10, 2012 in BLACK Love

 

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